A Brief History of Commedia
Commedia [komˈmɛːdja], officially the Republic of Commedia [reˈpuβlik ðf komˈmɛːdja]), is the southernmost country of Central America. It is bordered by Panama to the northwest, Colombia to the southeast, the Caribbean Sea to the north and the Pacific Ocean to the south. The capital is Gelosi. The official language is English.
In the late 18th Century, the Spanish monarchy exiled all clowns from the homeland, boarding them on ships to the newly obtained territory of Panama. In accordance with Pope Benedict XIII’s decree, the monarchy found them to be “just......not that funny anymore.”
Clowns found themselves at home entertaining the many Spanish colonials in Panama. After Panama broke away from Spanish rule in 1821 (with much support from the Clown population), Panamanians and Clowns found themselves at peace for nearly a century. The Panamanians respected and supported the Clown culture for all the joy and happiness it brought into their lives.....
In 1903, these peaceful relations were brought to an abrupt halt when Panamanian Dictator Filipe Renaldo caught the court jester and his first lady in flagrante delicto. He immediately issued an edict calling for “Death to all Clowns.” This led to the fabled Massacre of Irolo Medicini, during which over 300,000 Clowns lost their lives. The United States government saw an opportunity to capitalize from this peaceful race so desperately in need of assistance, and intervened. With U.S. military involvement, Panamanians and Clowns struck a deal that split Panama in two by way of a country wide canal. The deal mandated that all land on the Isthmus of Panama, southeast of the canal and northwest of Columbia, be allocated to the newly formed Republic of Commedia. (It was later revealed that the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers oversaw the agreement firstly to ensure the canal was built, and secondly to control shipping routes to the pacific.)
The newly formed Commedian government (under the United States pressure) encouraged population growth as a means to repopulate and increase the workforce. Clowns, by nature, had never been laborers, but the deal mandated all able-bodied male Clowns participate in the construction of the great canal. At the time, this agreement was seen as a fair trade because Clowns had not known personal freedom from Homo-sapiens in all of written history. It was during the construction of the canal that the first signs of the current Clown epidemic known as “The Frowns” was identified. (SEE “The Frowns”). When the canal was completed, in 1914, the U.S. Corps of Engineers no longer had any use for the Clown workers. Having no marketable skills or trade, other than goofing off, the residents of Commedia quickly found themselves in a nation wide economic collapse.
In 1991, the United States sold the canal to Panama, thus removing all ground troops that had been stationed in the area to protect the Canal . This led to the first major Clown exodus from Commedia based on a public fear of eminent occupation from neighboring countries. Commedia’s government was forced to establish illegal transactions with Columbia for protection from Panama. Many Clowns speculate that the government was selling poor families to work as drug mules for Columbia’s thriving drug trade. It was also during this period that the government turned to privatized deforestation as a means of economic survival. After 20 years, nearly 80 percent of Commedia’s once lush rain forests have been wiped clear. In 2009, seven of the ten council members to the commander-in-chief, Aziliz Labura, were exposed as being profiteers of an underground child clown pornography ring. With Columbian militia loosing the ongoing battle with Panama to the north and a growing distaste for their own government 2010 saw the second mass exodus of Clowns from commedia.
The Clown Immigration Patrol is a federal law enforcement agency within U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP), a component of the Department of Homeland Security (DHS). It is an agency in the Department of Homeland Security that enforces laws and regulations for the admission of foreign-born homo-comicus to the United States codified in the "We're not Commedia's Clown Car Act". The C.I.P. was founded on May 28, 1924 as an agency of the United States Department of Entertainment to prevent illegal clown entries along the Mexico–United States border. Originally only stationed in Texas with under 200 service men the C.I.P now employs over 20,000 agents with offices in all major cities of the United States.
